You can scream at Jehovah Witnesses all you want when they're on your doorstep and they won't turn a hair. They'll smile serenely at you, no matter how much you escalate the vitriol. But peek in the back door of a Kingdom Hall during a Sabbath Meeting and shout that Allah is Great and Jesus Sucks and they'll go all vitriolic on your gawd-fearing ass.
Anyway, it's easy to tell the world to leave you alone. But what short and sweet comment can you make that will get the world to pay attention to you?
Resolving this question could lighten more than a few loads, you know. There are literally millions, maybe even a billion of us, who would like to be paid more attention.
If you can help out, please do. But in the meantime, until this matter is resolved, please smile at those people --they are so easily recognizable-- who look like they could really use it.
If you're one of us, try begging like this. It's very liberating. I am the moral equialent of a guy standing at the end of the off-ramp, with a crudely drawn sign asking for money. But in my case, I'm just asking for a little attention. Even faux attention will be happily accepted.
Thank you.
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4 comments:
Paying attention gets awfully expensive.
What if it's attention in this manner: "Jesus, that guy is annoying?" Does negative attention actually leave you needing even more than before?
I often smile at people who look like they need it. Unfortunately I usually get the dreaded half-smile back. -You know, the "what the fuck are you looking at" half-smile. Then I laugh, which probably just pisses them off. Damn, I'm good.
When my wife and I first moved into our new home in the desert some twenty years ago, we were very often visited by door-knockers trying to get us to listen to the Word. If it was men, I'd ask them "why aren't you working instead of begging", and if it was women I'd just answer the door in my underwear. Both worked quite well and the word seemed to get around about the Heathen House, because no one ever comes around anymore.
I run them off by offering to sic my slobbering raging insane barking wolfhound on them. I have a tape of slobbering raging insane barking that I play as soon as the dress-and tie wearers with pamphlets in hand show up at the door, and I answer the door in my underwear.
If you want attention, Bert, go outside in less than your underwear, you'll certainly get someone to come ask you if you need help, or a towel or perhaps a little talk with Jesus? Get all the attention you want and less laundry too!! Win-win situation!
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