I met a Girl Named Avarice in a Town Without Pity

Yeah, her parents really did name her Avarice. There was a time when she experimented with nicknames, like Ava and Rici, but it was half-hearted. She decided that she was worth the effort of calling her by her full 'christian' name.

I met Avarice just after my first wife and I split up. The wounds were still hot and steamy. No wait, those were the turds. The wounds were superficial and healing quickly. Avarice helped.

Avarice was 23 and was working in a bank. I'd finagle the line as best I could to try to get to her window. She obviously knew my financial despair, which I would work against me. But it turned out to be a positive; she wanted someone poor, someone who yearned for both love AND money. But I was lucky. I yearned for love, but money, I could take or leave. Seriously! I have no reverence for money. I treat it very poorly. And this saved me from Avarice. Because she was looking for someone she could stupefy with the glory of her fresh young body and then mold into a criminal. So after a couple of weeks of enjoying her every fleshy pleasure, she suggested I commit a criminal act that would result in a great deal of money. I said no. She dumped me and I had to switch banks.

So see? Innocence is a very worthwhile character trait. And it came in very handy when I had that run in with the Mafia in Vegas, back when Las Vegas was still old timey. Remind me to tell you about how I saved my dad's career when the Mafia was after him and all I used was just a little bitty shtick.