You can't expect Failure to just happen!

To be successful at something requires a plan. Life is all about contingencies, unless you are a female between the ages of 17 and 40 and have ginormous chesticles. Because for this group (at least in 1st & 2nd World Countries) all the contingencies are good.

So if you want to be a failure, you've got to plan for it! Which is why my new book, Planning a Successful Failure is required reading for those who don't want to get ahead.

There's a right way and there's a wrong to get on Welfare. Section 8 housing is easy if you have a plan. Federally funded health care and SSI disability don't just walk up to you and jump on your lap.

Thanks to an early draft of my book that was read by a young neighbor, he is now set for life! He is just 26 years old, but he has free housing, free medical and dental, and a life time guaranteed income of almost $19,000 a year. That's tax-free! And remember, the housing and health insurance costs are already paid!

He puts in a Monday afternoon at a charity food clearing house and for this effort takes home (in his 1993 Toyota Corolla, that he got for $660 five years ago at a Salvation Army auto auction) two boxes of canned goods, pasta and breads.

He and five other friends registered a charity with the State of California. They got a small grant as a start-up from some federal office and used the money to rent a small office in a strip mall within easy walking distance. They hand-painted the name of their charity on the window and got some cheap furniture and set up a cozy little club for themselves. Then they chipped in and got a big screen plasma and they divide the cable bill amongst themselves, with the full NFL package.

Once every six months it's my neighbor's kid's turn to replace the keg. There's a little bedroom in the office, but he swears he hasn't gotten lucky yet. But they're always inviting ginormous chesticle girls over, but that contingency hasn't come home to roost yet. He says he spends maybe five nights a week there. They refuse to get a pool table because that would piss people off if they ever get caught.

But they do have a couple of old computers that they go online with, they have a PS2 and some games, and air conditioning.

Looking in from the outside, this kid is behaving as if he's retired! He's got his "life time pension & benefits" coming in, and he's got his friends in his "retirement community." And he never had to go through the angst and bother of schooling and a career.

Now that you can see the beauty of his life, compared to yours, sucker, please feel free to contact me for a prospectus of my book. It's not cheap, but nothing good ever is.