What Aliens want with Earth People

First off, please face the fact that despite all the other labels affixed to you, whether you like them or not, the label, Earth Person (I caved in...) is indisputable.

Look at yourself in the mirror: You and almost 7 billion others share that label, or lapel, if you're wearing a suit or sports coat.

We never greet each other with this label. So it's a good bet that if you get a knock on the door and there are two aardvark-looking creatures standing there, wearing name tags, and one of them says, when you open the door, "Good morning Earth Person..." it's probably not a prank. Invite them in, offer them something to drink, listen to their message and then politely tell them you're not interested and escort them out.

Not that I think this is the likely scenario. Nope, when the Aardvarkians arrive, they'll round us up, process us like bipedal cattle, package and freeze us for shipping and once the Earth has been denuded of Earth People, they'll head for home. Because I think that any appeal we have to extra-terrestrials has to do with the protein we surround our bones with. And maybe even the bones taste good!

But I'm not the least worried. The Aardvarkians, being true capitalists, will take home a large herd of Earth People. And because I have kept my stud book up to date and I think that when the time comes, I'll be in that group heading back to their home planet where I'll be installed in luxurious surroundings and I'll spend maybe another 500 Earth years (thanks to their advanced sciences) at stud. Sure, it may get boring, but it's what I was born to do.

What's that? You ask how I can be so callous about the fate of my progeny? You have a point... Okay, so if it makes you happy, I'll commit now to plotting my escape, stealing a battle cruiser, loading all the wives and kids on-board and then thundering out to the depths of space where we'll find a hidden earth-like world where we'll settle and I'll spend another 500 years at stud, but this time all the kids will spend their lives planning a triumphant return to Earth, as well as the destruction of the Aardvarkians!

Happy now? Lhard knows I am!