Tax Money

Your Tax Money at Work! And Play!

Government work is divided between those who decide how much of your money to take from you in taxes, those who decide how to spend your Tax Money and those who do the actual spending. The lines between these functions are sometimes made to stretch to such an extent that you can't tell just who is whom in this scheme of things.

By and large, the people involved in these processes are happy in their work. It's nice when self-sacrifice is abundantly rewarded. "Perks" apparently abound for those willing to sacrifice for the greater good. (Their greater good?)

So it has come to my attention, via a leak between my rhombencephalon and my prosencephalon, and not screened by my mesencephalon, that the federal government of the United States of America (EEUU [ting tang, walla walla bing bang]) is funding a study to determine at what temperature it is best to serve butter.

For you see, a problem exists! Yes! If butter is too hard, trying to spread it on soft bread, or even lightly toasted bread, is very inefficient. There is no data to contradict this position.

But on the other side of the equation, the ease with which soft butter is spread co-exists with the mostly hidden danger that TOO MUCH butter will end up on the object of the butter knife's attention!! Studies conducted in the Swedish armed forces proved conclusively that between 35 & 61 percent too much butter is used when the butter source is too soft.

And so the question arose, naturally, what temperature is best? At what temperature is butter not going to tear the bread, but not melt so quickly into warm toast so as to constitute a hazard?

Clinical trials have begun. The bookies in Vegas have 71° F as the favorite, at odds of 12 to 10, meaning a $10 bet will win you $12. Anyone willing to bet on 33° F can get odds of 3,000,000,000 to 1. I plan to bet a dollar on 33° F because I like the odds. Plus I can always frame the ticket and make up a story about what the bet was on. Like I could say that it was a bet on me getting Paula Bunker pregnant...

But wait, don't let my tawdry attempt at humor deflect us from the purpose of this post: governments are made up of people just like you and me.