No Charge

Information/Knowledge is good stuff. It are good stuff, too, when there's more than one of it.

There has probably never been a time when Information/Knowledge (I/K) couldn't be exchanged for whatever the local currency was. I/K is big business right now. HUGE business!! People to the right of you, people to the left of you, people above you, people below you, are all paying MONEY for I/K! Greenbacks, gelt, wampum, dinero, pacino... Even just sitting there sipping your double latte diet Coke, you can easily think of I/K that you could sell for enough to retire quietly to your very own island nation, where the UN won't let anyone under 18 live or visit.

But here's a bit of I/K I'm giving away for free. Most bloggers, because we are wordy bastids, always eager to get a word in edge-wise, will have no use for it; we've evolved beyond the need for this. But pass it along to someone else who might need it. And no fair charging!!

This I/K is for people who have trouble conversing. You've got the attentive look down, with the 'good eye contact' thing working for you. But when the other person stops talking and gets this expectant look in his or her eyes (or eye, because of that accident with an engorged male member) and you know you're supposed to say something, but there's nothing there, for any number of reasons, some of them your fault, some of them not, here's what you say and do:

"I've got two words for you..." And then pick two words that are somehow connected to the topic the other person was going on about. Like "Tropic Thunder" if the subject was movies, or "Elvis Presley" if the subject was music, or "repeatable experiment" if the subject was nuclear fusion or the female orgasm.

Now if you weren't paying close enough attention to know what that subject was, then just say, "Barack Obama." And raise one eyebrow and smile.

If the other person enthusiastically starts talking again, you're home free. If the other person looks at you quizzically, sneer and turn and walk away; you're no worse off than you were before you said it.

Caveat: This can work with a spouse, significant other or sexual target, and is worth the risks involved, but never try this with your employer!