Immortality!

Send me $14.99 and I will name a city after you. But hurry, because the really neat cities will go fast!!

I know it sounds crazy, but for just $14.99, in check or money order made out to Bert Bananas, LLC, I will white out the name of a city on a large map and then carefully ink in YOUR name! Or the name of a RELATIVE or LOVED ONE!!

And I will register every and every change of name on a big yellow legal pad and as each page fills up, I will send that page to the LIBRARY of CONGRESS, where it will be preserved FOREVER, or until the end of time!

BUT WAIT!! There's more!! I will email you a .jpg of YOUR NAME handwritten on my map, for you to print out at your own expense and then buy yourself a frame for that print and hang it in a place of honor in your home, so that everyone will see this piece of history and really appreciate just who you are!

If having a city named after you doesn't twist your kink, we'll find something that does! How about a sexual position named after you! Or a part of the anatomy!! This gift to you is made possible by the power of the INTERNET and my need to serve my fellow man.

HURRY! Operators are standing by!