The setting is a suburban mall. In the summer time there's no way to know what part of America you're in, such has become the interchangeability of the commercial suburban landscape.
Nestled in one bank of stores is a Subway, the ubiquitous sandwich chain. Inside there are three people behind the counter and five customer, three waiting for their sandwich construction to be completed and two, a young couple, sitting at a table.
Suddenly two ski-masked men burst through the front door. The first man in, later described as the taller and heavier-looking of the pair, carries a very brutal looking shotgun. The second man is empty-handed. The first steps to the left side of the door and yells out, "This is a hold-up! Nobody move."
The eight people in the store freeze. The second man runs into the interior of the store and through a door, the unisex bathroom. In less than ten seconds the man emerges from the bathroom, carrying a toilet plunger, which all the witnesses agree had a yellow handle tipped with black rubber plunger apparatus.
As the shorter man runs out of the shop, the taller man yells, "Nobody move! Count to 60. If I see a head stick out of this door before a minute is up, I'll blow it off your freakin' shoulders!" Then he retreats.
There's an immediate babel of conversation in the shop, but no one moved for the required 60 seconds, and then some.
Later the police would dismiss the entire episode as some kind of college prank.
What do you think?
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6 comments:
Wow. you were prolific today...
uh... did you make thisup, or should I even ask?
Is that what the kids today do for college pranks? Whatever happened to non-shotgun-related pranks, like stealing the other school's mascot, or reassembling a car in someone's office, or lazily TP-ing something.
I know the kids are always shooting each other these days, but I have a fairly firm belief that college pranks should never involve firearms.
I suppose it could have been a variation on the ol' scavenger hunt. My junior year in high school we had a scavenger hunt on the Las Vegas Strip. It was a way different Strip back then. And a way different scavenger hunt...
My guess is that this dynamic duo were just practicing. I'm thinking the gun was unloaded and a toilet plunger doesn't reach to the level of grand theft. Had they been caught, they would have gotten a slap on the wrist, and major media coverage.
The Terrorists have really spoiled it for the rest of us...
Would any Subway employee earning $6 an hour really stop someone from stealing a plunger? I sure wouldn't, because I know where it's been.
And I remember scavenger hunts as quests for sporks and pictures with dudes with mohawks, but then again, we got all our weapons-based aggression out by shooting bad guys on the Nintendo game Hogan's Alley. I have killed so many stereotypical Italian mobster cutouts on a fake shooting range that I'm surprised I've never been in The Sopranos.
What?
I think someone from that Subway should find the frat boys and beat them over the head with a toilet bowl plunger, shove it up their a** (and steal their shotgun).
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