...But my digital camera hasn't developed it yet. It'll be ready tomorrow.
But in the interim, are you ready to die?
Of course not. No one is every ready to die, who doesn't know their about to die. Or expressed in the opposite way, only people who know they are dying can be ready to die. And this, obviously, includes suicides. If a guy is about to pull the trigger on the gun whose barrel he is almost gagging on, it's because he's ready to die.
So I'm thinking about the possibility of a business based on a Mission Statement that goes something like this: "Death is inevitable, and no one is ever ready, but with the help of Dieron Corporation, we can guarantee that if there is an Afterlife, you can count on looking back and seeing us make the people who discomforted you, and whom you put on a list for us, are being tormented, based on the plan you purchased from us."
It'll be like life insurance, but if it was called a type of insurance, it would be 'We'll get even for you insurance' but we'd have to come up with a name for those who would be the 'anti-beneficiaries' if you get my drift...
So while you still wouldn't be ready, at least if you do check out ahead of time, you'll die knowing that there will be some people who won't be relieved. Which I believe fulfills a genuine psychic need.
This is still in its formative stages, but as soon as I hit 'publish' I will send my lead counsel an email to get him started on fleshing out the details.
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6 comments:
Are you trying to put gypsies, witches and satanists out of business?
I like this plan very much. However, as you will likely attract many customers from the unimaginably vindictive section of society, you will have to staff up quickly. For example, given the size of Nixon's infamous list of enemies, you'd need 3,000 full-time employees to mete out street justice.
Also, you may want to look into opening a branch in the afterlife, in case the people deserving revenge are already dead. That James K. Polk needs a good punchin'.
Golden Nibbles, the Snack who Satisfies, is this what you asked Henry Ford about all the poor buggy whip makers? Hey, boo hoo! It's progress, and if a little progress causes a lot of heartache, at least now there will be someone available to eek out a little vengeance when you're beyond the reach of the long arm of the law.
Pistolero, the Mormons already have the After Life market cornered.
Well, they certainly do with THAT attitude, you quitter.
Guito's Lying-in-State Farm Insurance.
Slogan: "After we wack you, we wack all your (so-called) friends too."
All you have to do is accept their offer (which, of course, you can't refuse).
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