But I do believe in fate, all lower case. As in, if you drink that entire 12-pack of Natural Lite and then to defuse my exploding chastity belt, I think we're fated to die virgins. In other words, I see fate as mostly self-inflicted.
What most people consider to be "Fate" is merely coincidence. It is not God calling someone home via a twelve volt truck battery coming through the windshield at a combined speed of 140 mph.
God and Coincidence appear to have a lot in common, in terms of not always understanding the why of this or that, much less whether it was God or Coincidence that led to the creation of the Internet. Mark my words, within 30 years there will be a tribe in New Guinea, thanks to the $100 laptops, which will worship the Internet. Internet Cults, with paypal accounts.
So what's all this have to do with the photo? Well, Grasshopper, we went to lunch at a Chinese buffet. When they brought the bill, there were fortune cookies on the little tray, one for each diner. That's mine in the photo. I never opened it. I never open fortune cookies. It drives people crazy. Especially astrology buffs. Yeah, astrology buffs and people with that permanent disability, Nopesarelcraccophobia. You've seen these latter sufferers, intently watching the sidewalk as the move along, making sure they don't step on a crack.
I once opened an umbrella indoors as I walked under a ladder, wearing a jersey with the number 13 on it, with 666 lipsticked on my forehead and then broke a mirror with a salt shaker, spilling salt everywhere and wound up lighting three cigarettes with one match. It was a great bachelor party, and what followed for the next two years of that short marriage was totally a coincidence.
Laztheists are huge on coincidence and use it to explain almost everything good and bad that happens. Suicide, however, is seldom a coincidence.
5 comments:
I always read my fortune (cookie) and add "in bed" to the end. -Works out great!
I have one on the master bathroom mirror that says "Accept the next proposition you receive", in hopes my wife will read it once in awhile, -and carefully follow its directions.
I'm not driven crazy by the refusal to open fortune cookies, but the fact that you're not eating a cookie. What the hell is that about? Were you never a kid, singularly obsessed with picking a career that would afford you all the cookies you could eat? Because that's all I ever dreamed of, and that's why all my savings are hidden in the cookie jar in cookie form.
I had obsessions as a kid but they were mostly about brassieres.
Well, if you eat enough cookies, you'll have your own boobs, and while they won't ever be quite the same thing, they'll be as good as your fat, cookie-eating ass can get. It's a vicious cycle that keeps going around, like the circumference of an Oreo, or Girl Scout Thin Mint cookie.
I thought it was Gore who created the internet.
And who eats fortune cookies.. they're worse than the health food cookies I eat. like vanilla flavored cardboard. They were just created for the fortune inside.
Post a Comment