Same old, same old . . .

No doubt many of you are going through the same winnowing process right now; all the invitations pouring in, requesting that you speak at graduation/commencement and having to decide which one to accept. I have one friend who accepts as many invitations as possible, but I always pick just one school.

The first time I was the featured commencement speaker, I couldn't figure out which was better, to give them hope by telling them the story of how I made it, or to just speak generally about how school had prepared them for all the opportunities that exist in the good ol' U S of A.

I opted for speaking generally and have stuck to it ever since. After all, my particular path to success is one that doesn't have much to recommend it now, what with the changes in the predatory lending laws, and the current emphasis on fiscal honesty. But opportunities still abound, and that's what I concentrate on pointing out, in terms of their business careers.

I'm probably not the only speaker who also dwells a bit on the graduates' personal lives, and the responsibilities that come with being successful. But I bet not many speakers take the time to explain the strategic role of tattoos and body piercings in the market place of ideas and behavior. I also let them know the importance of marrying well and getting the child-spoiling out of the way as quickly as possible.

My penultimate thought, before my speech's big finale, is about failure. I always tell them that failure IS an option, that, according to the mythology, i.e., the bible, even God once had to start over.

And then we get to the big finish: The whole point to being successful in life is that when you want to play golf, you have the time and the money. There is no greater satisfaction, not to mention proof, of a life well lived than to spend the day at the golf course and then to come home to a happy family evening meal.

I never get tired of the standing ovations...