I've never been intoxicated, even by California's relaxed standard of 0.08% BAC. I've never ingested an illegal, or illegally obtained 'recreational' drug. And no, I'm not religious. People in my past may have confused me for a religious person, but I always knew, in my heart of hearts, that I was just trying to get laid.
But I recognize that alcohol exists, ...duh, and I suspect that while there isn't a "Reason," there could be a reason. After all, it is possible for mammals to ferment-from-within, and that is just part of evolution. If getting drunk wasn't part of what being a human being is all about, evolution would have stamped it out.
So back in the dawn of time, as humans reckon it, there was a Primordial Booze, the mother's-milk of alcoholic comestibles. Of course, we'll never know what it was, but that shouldn't stop one of our larger breweries from developing and marketing it, with of course, a suitable gift to yours truly for 'reminding' you to do so.
Thanking you in advance, I remain your hump-able serpent,
Bertram H.G. Bananas, Lz.D.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
7 comments:
Alcohol is an easier way to get laid than religion is.
That's all fine and dandy, but where were you back when I needed you?
I think before I sobered up - going on 2 years ago - I imbibed your share and mine and a couple others shares of alcohol and recreational drugs.
I'm sure you're very humpable, I hope you find a lady serpent one day soon.
Jana, congrats on two years of sobriety. I'm glad someone was taking care of my share back then. I wonder who's doing it now?
I have a lady serpent of my very own. It's just that men like to pretend they could handle a harem. Pretty silly, huh?
Well I'm glad you have a lady serpent, it makes it so much easier to have someone to coil up with that knows the way your scales go!!
As for who'se handling our shares now, I'd bet there's a college student out there that comes up with the equalateral coefficient that shows the number of drinks being shipped into a particular state divided by the number of drinkers in that state, minus the number of sober people in that state including those by choice, underage (of 5) and those forced by religious reasons, then multiplying that by the number of states that allow drinking (not including Utah of course)...I'm getting a headache.....
And thanks, I'm enjoying being sober, I just hate not being able to drink... =-)
I don't know that I'd call myself a drunk, but the word "sober" makes me break out in hives.
However, I did not drink for most of my youth, partaking in the straight edge movement the kids sometimes enjoy. Instead of drinking and drugs, I listened to lots of terrible music.
Then, one day, while in the Czech Republic, I said to myself, "This is dumb," asked the bartender for "the gayest drink you have" (a pina colada, which he refused to sell to me until I pretended it was for a female companion). I quaffed that, then graduated to absinthe five minutes later and lit the table on fire.
Heading home, I bought all the scotch I could afford in the duty free store and I've been a semi-pro drunk ever since. I still have yet to do any drugs, mostly because people who are high seem retarded, and I have little to no interest in laughing at a bag of Funnyuns for an hour or worrying about my face melting.
That's very cool, BertB... not many like you. I did my more than fare share of alcohol and pot until my early college days.. and after one too many 'black outs', gave it all up. Haven't touched it since. And haven't missed it.
Post a Comment