The USPS is proposing a rate hike for first class mail, from 39¢ to 41¢. One of the driving forces behind this move is the cost of labor; letter carriers want a raise in pay.
While not being against either increase, I would like to see letter carriers working harder. Their routes should be increased. Thus fewer letter carriers would do more work, but for more money.
Were my proposal accepted, they would need bigger bags, often called mail appendages. I discussed this with our letter carrier, a wee slip of a girl. Her immediate reaction was profound distress! She said that she was having enough trouble as it was with her mail appendage. There was no way on earth for her to handle a larger mail appendage.
I told her that she was being negative, and that she should look for the silver lining, that if my plan worked, getting used to a larger mail appendage would be a benefit, and it would be something she and her loved ones could brag about. I even suggested that there could be some kind of competition to see who could handle the largest mail appendage, with appropriate rewards, as if just knowing you had the largest mail appendage wasn't reward enough.
She said she'd think it over and get back to me.
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Did you explain to her that she also would have the option of perhaps using two mail appendages at the same time? I've heard this can be a most satisfying arrangement. They've even made movies about it.
So, according to your "...wee slip of a girl" mail carrier, size does matter.
You should have suggested that her mail appendage would be easier to handle if two round objects were placed at its base thus enabling her to pull it instead of hefting it.
You people are sick!
And twisted! How do I join?
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