I know it's hard to believe that there are people out there who want you dead rather than have to share oxygen with you, but it's true.
There may come a time when these people, radical Islamo-fascists, your father-in-law, the waiter you left a dollar tip on a $22.50 lunch tab, et al., decide that there are better things to do than kill you. If we ever reach that point, there will be some things you'll need to know.
Many of the people who hate you wear explosive vests, carry guns/knives or drive ton and a half vehicles. If you bug them, they'll explode the vest, shot/stab you or run you down and marmalade you. So what you need to do is learn to leave them alone and tip better.
What would the IRS do to a man wearing an explosive vest if he refused to pay his taxes? Lots of things, I'm sure. But one thing they wouldn't do is confront him. Same with a cop who saw a man wearing an explosive vest urinating in public. If you had the state of mind necessary to put on an explosive vest, and you were one of, say, 20 million people wearing such vests, what do you think it would do to law and order? Because the ultimate leverage the State has is to deprive you of life or liberty. If you're willing to use your vest if you don't get your way, you're going to get your way a lot more than someone not wearing a vest. The ultimate 'F-U' to the State. You think you'd be pulled over for a traffic infraction if you had a big bumper sticker that said, "Warning, Driver is wearing an Explosive Vest"?
And what about a movement that enlisted people over 70 to put on such vests? They either get their way or they flip the switch on the detonator. Civil Disobedience to the max.
It wouldn't take long before being polite, and respecting your fellow man became the absolute order of the day.
Or maybe I should just get more sleep?
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7 comments:
I think you need more sleep. All of those vest wearing people don't seem to treat each other very well, so I think your exploding vest theory is a bust.
If we squirt the vest exploding people with water, will it neutralize them and maybe wake them up from their delusional state?
I also shudder to think what would happen on laundry days.
Plus, the more fashionable among us would chafe at the idea of not having a variety of colors to wear. Black every day? What are we, me in 1987? The Cure haven't released a good song in over a decade, and that's just not me anymore.
Ms. Nibbles, no one slaps a suicide bomber on the back while trying to sell him life insurance.
Sr. Pistolas, what about exploding pants or underwear? Or a bicycle helmet made out of C4? Or Doc Martins that could fly your constituent pieces to the moon? I don't think the fashionistas will hold sway in this area; there are probably too many people willing to thumb their noses (and triggers) at conformity.
My entire point here is to refute my wife's theory that humans have a 'natural respect' for law and order, which is always her excuse for not trying to do 'it' in public places.
I think you got a ticket yesterday from a 'prick' of a cop, but I got your point.
The post though did remind me of Bill Murray and the end-times-for-the-gofer scene in Caddy Shack.
I was mildly confused for a second Big T, wondering, "What end times for the gofer in Caddy Shack?"
Then it dawned on me, and I'll clarify it by telling you that in normal life I'm a gofer for my wife, but in bed I'm a gopher for my wife...
I should have been more specific: Bill Murray with the plastic explosives; gofer taunting him (Bill) to use them; most of the golf course being blown to bits; the gofer survives...
-I just try to 'gofer' my wife...
I do appreciate the fact that you know you can't actually refute your wife's point in person, so you turn to the interweb to be your judge and confidant. This is the key to a healthy marriage: hiding all your true thoughts and desires.
I learn so much here.
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