I have found a way to differentiate between what is news and what is gossip. Not that anyone in the modern media really seems to care, but I've never been deterred by the fact that something I had to say was not only pointless, but possibly in bad taste.
Like most tests, it's simple and very effective. Here's an example... Read the two declarative statements below. One of them is gossip and one is news:
Adolf Hitler ordered the invasion of Poland, which took place on August 31, 1939.
Adolf Hitler once tied a kite string to his penis, ran the string up under his shirt and out over his neck tie and told Eva Braun that if she pulled on it, he would yodel for her.
It's easy to see which one is news and which one is gossip. And here's the thing: old news is NEVER interesting, but old gossip is! None of us cares about what our grandparents went through during the Depression, but we're always interested in their stories about embarrassing moments involving nudity, sex, alcohol, or best of all, the three combined.
So when you're watching Cute Katie Couric, if what she is talking about would ALWAYS be interesting to hear about, it's gossip.
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3 comments:
You are a genius.
Eva didn't pull that string until Addie married her. She was no fool. Besides Addie only liked young girls who would die for him. That's why he didn't marry her until the end.
I am on occasion interested in old news, but only to provide the context for old gossip. It's important to know that FDR was in the Navy before you learn that he died in the company of his mistress.
Ms. Nibbles, I've printed out the first sentence in your comment, laminated it and now it's safely tucked in my wallet. I'm sure it will come in handy, if only for those moments when the line moves so slowly that you need something to focus on to keep from screaming.
Sr. Pistolas, your observation raises the question: did Franklin go down by the bow or the stern? Is the answer news or gossip?
And can we declare a third category, Newsip?
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