PETAns, the genuine ones, give all animals the status normally reserved to humans. Speaking of which, between maybe 1493 and ... now, some White Folk would only give human status to other White Folk. I read just the other day that during the building of the transcontinental Canadian railroad, X number of 'people' died, not counting the Chinese, who when it came to record-keeping, simply weren't tallied. So no one knows how many Chinese workers died in that construction, but none of the guesses are under four figures.
It's unfortunate for their reputation, but there are so many records of how shabbily the British treated all their subjects whose natural skin tone was a shade or two darker than antique white, or that old Crayola color, "flesh". I wonder which country would like to come forward now to admit that it was their ancestors who came up with the phrase, sub-human?
So with that as an intro, I think I have shown that I'm down for the struggle.
But replacing cow's milk in ice cream with human milk, often called breast milk, as if that makes it more special (it does!) is icky. Unless I can somehow wrangle a job as an inspector. But that could very well make me blasé about the female bosom. I really don't want to lose my appreciation for any part of the female form.
So I'm now I've reasoned myself into a position of being totally against PETA cow's milk in frivolous food products with human breast milk. I didn't hear the entire presentation, so I don't know why PETA is promoting this idea, or what PETA expects the cows to do with the extra time they have because they don't have to produce so much milk. Pilates? Blogging? Continuing their education?
But I bet milk from the Swedish Olympic bikini team would be so, so creamy...
Thursday, September 25, 2008
Sheila222, if you're reading this, I'm sorry!!
This very nice, warm, cuddly, heterosexual female on another blog site asked if she could read my personal blog. Naturally, because she was heterosexual and breathing, the last thing in the world I wanted was for her to see anything that might take me out of the race for sperm donations to her bank vault. Yes, she lives as close to the Atlantic as I do to the Pacific and yes, we're both happily married, but a person as uncertain about the future as I am doesn't like to too hastily rule things out. If there's one thing one should learn in life, it's that one never knows what one's future holds...
And so, Ms. Sheila222, if perusal of my blog reveals anything that in your mind irredeemably takes me off the table, sexually speaking, I didn't mean it, it was just a joke, it was just me trying to get a rise out of Pistols, but not that kind of rise, because he does nothing, NOTHING, for me sexually.
Phew!
The same goes for all you skirts... Which I mean in the nicest possible way, because when I was growing up girls had to wear skirts to school. BYU, my alma mater, didn't allow women to wear anything on campus BUT skirts & dresses, and the hem of the skirt had to touch the ground when you were on your knees, which in Mormon-dom, can happen frequently. In my rule book, skirts MUST have at least 1.5 inches of skirt, but if all you want to wear is a belt, that's fine, too.
Thank goodness I took the time to explain things so as to remove all possibility of offending any female over the age of 18! (14 in Utah and Kentucky)
And so, Ms. Sheila222, if perusal of my blog reveals anything that in your mind irredeemably takes me off the table, sexually speaking, I didn't mean it, it was just a joke, it was just me trying to get a rise out of Pistols, but not that kind of rise, because he does nothing, NOTHING, for me sexually.
Phew!
The same goes for all you skirts... Which I mean in the nicest possible way, because when I was growing up girls had to wear skirts to school. BYU, my alma mater, didn't allow women to wear anything on campus BUT skirts & dresses, and the hem of the skirt had to touch the ground when you were on your knees, which in Mormon-dom, can happen frequently. In my rule book, skirts MUST have at least 1.5 inches of skirt, but if all you want to wear is a belt, that's fine, too.
Thank goodness I took the time to explain things so as to remove all possibility of offending any female over the age of 18! (14 in Utah and Kentucky)
Monday, September 22, 2008
I'm Sure She has a Perfectly Good Explanation
I just can't imagine what it would be...
At least with the guy you can understand his priorities. Not to mention that he's made his dad's life a living hell for however long the marriage lasts, assuming his mother didn't fall over dead at the reception.
At least with the guy you can understand his priorities. Not to mention that he's made his dad's life a living hell for however long the marriage lasts, assuming his mother didn't fall over dead at the reception.
Tuesday, September 16, 2008
ATHEISTS for GHAWD !
I was invited to join a new organization and I've been involved in Rush Week activities. It's been a veritable non-stop flow of meetings and parties. I finally heard my first atheist prayer...
Oh, Emptiness, Oh, Great Non-Existent One, Hearer of Nothing we say, don't bother listening to our petition. We are gathered here for reasons of our own, having a good time. Please continue to butt out. This we say in my own name, amen.
I wasn't impressed. Too much fluff.
I'm back. Who knows when I'll get distracted again. I'm prone to flightiness. Once I spent a week in bed with a woman who needed a place to hide from her husband, totally forgetting that I had a job. I lost both. But luckily a new Jack in the Box opened and I got a cushy third shift position. I've kind of always been lucky/unlucky that way.
I didn't join Atheists for Ghawd. It was close, what with the list of rules you don't have to follow. But I hate being pinned down by lists and rules. So I'm still flying solo...
Oh, Emptiness, Oh, Great Non-Existent One, Hearer of Nothing we say, don't bother listening to our petition. We are gathered here for reasons of our own, having a good time. Please continue to butt out. This we say in my own name, amen.
I wasn't impressed. Too much fluff.
I'm back. Who knows when I'll get distracted again. I'm prone to flightiness. Once I spent a week in bed with a woman who needed a place to hide from her husband, totally forgetting that I had a job. I lost both. But luckily a new Jack in the Box opened and I got a cushy third shift position. I've kind of always been lucky/unlucky that way.
I didn't join Atheists for Ghawd. It was close, what with the list of rules you don't have to follow. But I hate being pinned down by lists and rules. So I'm still flying solo...
Tuesday, September 02, 2008
Rock Concert
Sunday evening all the gathered family drove a couple of miles up Highway 18 to
It cost the males $5 each to get in. The women all got in free. What does this say about which sexual organs are more valuable to commerce? And who am I to disagree?
The concert was bone jarringly, ear drum splittingly, individual-note-discernment impossibly loud. After .7 second of sound check I had begun the process of fashioning ear plugs. It takes a few seconds to make good ones, and I invested the time. Of those over 30 in our group, I was the only one without a headache when the performance was over. And we were way at the back.
All those under 30 had moved up closer so they could hear better.
Our boy seemed happy with his and the band's performance. And you know how it is with parents, we were just happy that he was happy, although I wouldn't have minded my $5 back.
It cost the males $5 each to get in. The women all got in free. What does this say about which sexual organs are more valuable to commerce? And who am I to disagree?
The concert was bone jarringly, ear drum splittingly, individual-note-discernment impossibly loud. After .7 second of sound check I had begun the process of fashioning ear plugs. It takes a few seconds to make good ones, and I invested the time. Of those over 30 in our group, I was the only one without a headache when the performance was over. And we were way at the back.
All those under 30 had moved up closer so they could hear better.
Our boy seemed happy with his and the band's performance. And you know how it is with parents, we were just happy that he was happy, although I wouldn't have minded my $5 back.
Monday, September 01, 2008
The Forgotten Voter Bloc
There is a bloc of American voters who never get any press. No one really seems to be courting them: These potential voters are unregistered, disaffected, socially uncommitted single males.
Look around you: how many single males do you know who have campaign bumper stickers on their cars? Aren't there any number of single males you know who wouldn't surprise you by not being registered to vote? How many single males do you know who the day after Obama's acceptance speech were talking about having watched it? Isn't it true that you know some single males whose failure to vote on Nov. 8th would not surprise you?
These guys, and their numbers are incalculable because they either don't answer the phone or tell the pollsters that they're too busy, or pretend to be illegal aliens, have been ignored for years and years. No party courts them because no party, until now, has had anything these guys wanted.
So if McPalin beats O'Biden in November, it could be because enough members of this Forgotten Voter Bloc thought sexy Sarah was hot! They won't be pulling the lever for Republican politics; nope, they'll be voting for something personally fulfilling, substantially primal and overarchingly essential: a good looking woman with whom you could hold a interesting conversation while waiting to get it up again.
There are few things more exciting to a disaffected male than a hot looking woman who knows how to field strip, clean and maintain a her man's gun and will absolutely, positively have his baby... Sure she's whack for thinking the Humanity sprang into existence 6,000 years ago, but c'mon, with a rack like that, you gotta cut her some slack!!
Will there be enough of these disaffected males to put McPalin into the White House? Only time will tell, only time will tell.
And now back to you in the studio, Jane.
Look around you: how many single males do you know who have campaign bumper stickers on their cars? Aren't there any number of single males you know who wouldn't surprise you by not being registered to vote? How many single males do you know who the day after Obama's acceptance speech were talking about having watched it? Isn't it true that you know some single males whose failure to vote on Nov. 8th would not surprise you?
These guys, and their numbers are incalculable because they either don't answer the phone or tell the pollsters that they're too busy, or pretend to be illegal aliens, have been ignored for years and years. No party courts them because no party, until now, has had anything these guys wanted.
So if McPalin beats O'Biden in November, it could be because enough members of this Forgotten Voter Bloc thought sexy Sarah was hot! They won't be pulling the lever for Republican politics; nope, they'll be voting for something personally fulfilling, substantially primal and overarchingly essential: a good looking woman with whom you could hold a interesting conversation while waiting to get it up again.
There are few things more exciting to a disaffected male than a hot looking woman who knows how to field strip, clean and maintain a her man's gun and will absolutely, positively have his baby... Sure she's whack for thinking the Humanity sprang into existence 6,000 years ago, but c'mon, with a rack like that, you gotta cut her some slack!!
Will there be enough of these disaffected males to put McPalin into the White House? Only time will tell, only time will tell.
And now back to you in the studio, Jane.
The Big Day is Here!
With our two boys home for the holiday, this morning's festive activities reminded us of all the special Labor Days we'd enjoyed as they were growing up, when Labor Day was still filled with magic and mystery for the little tykes.
And even though they think they're all grown up, you could still see a bit of eager whimsy in their eyes as they went to check on what Ol'Samuel Gompers had left them under the Anvil Tree. Now that they're older, they're hard to shop for. Roby got a subscription to Modern Feather Bedding and Andrew got the woolen union suit he'd been hinting at, to help him get through the cold, dank San Franciscan winter. Liz got me one of her 'treat me like a working girl' coupons and I got her a vibrating Pinkerton's baton...
Later today we'll sit down to the traditional Rump Roast of Scorpion, commemorating Gompers' ascension over Eugene V. Debs before WWI. And after dinner we'll drink union beer and sing union songs, but only the pre-Bono ones.
Then tomorrow I'll help Liz take down all the Labor Day decorations before I head out to work, reinvigorated and eager to face another year of organized Labor!
And even though they think they're all grown up, you could still see a bit of eager whimsy in their eyes as they went to check on what Ol'Samuel Gompers had left them under the Anvil Tree. Now that they're older, they're hard to shop for. Roby got a subscription to Modern Feather Bedding and Andrew got the woolen union suit he'd been hinting at, to help him get through the cold, dank San Franciscan winter. Liz got me one of her 'treat me like a working girl' coupons and I got her a vibrating Pinkerton's baton...
Later today we'll sit down to the traditional Rump Roast of Scorpion, commemorating Gompers' ascension over Eugene V. Debs before WWI. And after dinner we'll drink union beer and sing union songs, but only the pre-Bono ones.
Then tomorrow I'll help Liz take down all the Labor Day decorations before I head out to work, reinvigorated and eager to face another year of organized Labor!
Sunday, August 31, 2008
What a Holiday!
We have people here at the house from Rancho Santa Margarita, Adelanto, San Francisco, Long Beach, and Corona del Mar. La de dah... I wasn't invited, but I have access to weaponry, so they're afraid to ask me to leave.
But it's really not an issue because I'm holed-up here in my office. I have my computer, a TV, a bathroom and a table on which to keep a stock of comestibles. I don't have one of those little office refrigerators; that would enable me to totally isolate myself... One of the professionals in my life, the dog-groomer, says I should not cut all my ties with the people I live with, and I tend to agree, what with me being mildly addicted to sexual congress of the married variety.
This 'alone' time did give me a chance to watch The Simpson's Movie. My wife netflixed it for me. I liked it! I'm thinking of asking her to get me the first three Dirty Harry movies. Gosh, I remember how good watching them made me feel!
Tonight we're going to a concert. I guess it's a rock concert... It's at a bar/lounge/truck-stop/strip-bar here in Apple Valley. We're going because one of our sons is in the band. The band has existed for at least five years. He just got asked to join because they never could find a bass player who was a good fit..
(HOLY SHIT! I just watched the opening to Hope Floats! Totally by accident! That was some nasty crap to be flinging at people who just paid good money!)
I'll let you know how the band played. They have an ode to Pistols set, so that says a lot about how high their standards are...
But it's really not an issue because I'm holed-up here in my office. I have my computer, a TV, a bathroom and a table on which to keep a stock of comestibles. I don't have one of those little office refrigerators; that would enable me to totally isolate myself... One of the professionals in my life, the dog-groomer, says I should not cut all my ties with the people I live with, and I tend to agree, what with me being mildly addicted to sexual congress of the married variety.
This 'alone' time did give me a chance to watch The Simpson's Movie. My wife netflixed it for me. I liked it! I'm thinking of asking her to get me the first three Dirty Harry movies. Gosh, I remember how good watching them made me feel!
Tonight we're going to a concert. I guess it's a rock concert... It's at a bar/lounge/truck-stop/strip-bar here in Apple Valley. We're going because one of our sons is in the band. The band has existed for at least five years. He just got asked to join because they never could find a bass player who was a good fit..
(HOLY SHIT! I just watched the opening to Hope Floats! Totally by accident! That was some nasty crap to be flinging at people who just paid good money!)
I'll let you know how the band played. They have an ode to Pistols set, so that says a lot about how high their standards are...
The Quick Brown Blogger ...
Now is the time for all good bloggers to come to the aid of their country...
As a pioneer in the Blogosphere (Hell, I was blogging on my old Osborne 1, back in 1981!), I don't know whether to applaud or lament that by 2013 there will be 3.9 billion bloggers! Think of it, just a hundred million shy of 4 billion! Imagine trying to get some work done if you even wanted to read half of them each day! You'd have to give up one of your breaks!
You know what most religions don't have a position on: Is blogging of the Lord or of the Devil? Just like they mostly stay away from the issue of the internet itself. Oh, sure, they all use the internet, but there's no mention of the role of the internet when Jesus arrives to rule for a 1,000 years. Or if the Rapture is in anyway connected to your online history. I erase mine daily. I do not want to be convicted by my cookies!
You know how Ghawd is aware of the fall of every sparrow? And has the very hairs of your head numbered? Well, Ghawd also logs all your chat, He records every post you make, every comment you type... He even logs your typos, because they also say something about you! In fact, Ghawd is filming the ultimate reality show. There are IMAX cameras aimed at you right now!
But if we each have our own reality show, who sets the viewing schedule? Believe me, I'm the first to admit that my life, as a vehicle for attracting viewers, fails miserably. Ebert & Roeper might not be too negative about my reality show, but they'd definitely give it a thumbs down, in comparison to all the other shows they think you might like to watch.
Whose entire life would you pay to see?
(Swear to Bal, when I started, I did not foresee how this post was going to end up!! Which of course is EXACTLY how I've lived my life...)
As a pioneer in the Blogosphere (Hell, I was blogging on my old Osborne 1, back in 1981!), I don't know whether to applaud or lament that by 2013 there will be 3.9 billion bloggers! Think of it, just a hundred million shy of 4 billion! Imagine trying to get some work done if you even wanted to read half of them each day! You'd have to give up one of your breaks!
You know what most religions don't have a position on: Is blogging of the Lord or of the Devil? Just like they mostly stay away from the issue of the internet itself. Oh, sure, they all use the internet, but there's no mention of the role of the internet when Jesus arrives to rule for a 1,000 years. Or if the Rapture is in anyway connected to your online history. I erase mine daily. I do not want to be convicted by my cookies!
You know how Ghawd is aware of the fall of every sparrow? And has the very hairs of your head numbered? Well, Ghawd also logs all your chat, He records every post you make, every comment you type... He even logs your typos, because they also say something about you! In fact, Ghawd is filming the ultimate reality show. There are IMAX cameras aimed at you right now!
But if we each have our own reality show, who sets the viewing schedule? Believe me, I'm the first to admit that my life, as a vehicle for attracting viewers, fails miserably. Ebert & Roeper might not be too negative about my reality show, but they'd definitely give it a thumbs down, in comparison to all the other shows they think you might like to watch.
Whose entire life would you pay to see?
(Swear to Bal, when I started, I did not foresee how this post was going to end up!! Which of course is EXACTLY how I've lived my life...)
Friday, August 29, 2008
Rush Limbaugh predicts ...
During the second hour of today's program (8-29-08) Rush Limbaugh predicted that critics of Sarah Palin would say that her decision to have the 'surprise' baby born in April of this year with Down Syndrome was expressive of her lack of qualification to be considered for VP of this nation. Of course this centers around our country's A/D: Abortion Divide. Her critics will say one thing about her not aborting the baby and her supporters will say it indicates just the opposite.
I have no information that bears on that explosive, contentious, divisive issue. Good luck America.
But I do have experience with "surprise" pregnancies. Liz and I went to a convention and I got tipsy on room-service champagne (She got WASTED!! Is there anything randier than hotel sex?) Well, we, too, had that baby and now he's a sophomore at SFSU, FU-OK?
So I'm betting she got pregnant right after she and her husband were flown to New York, put up in a fine hotel, and then they went to her Vogue photo shoot.
So although I am totally pro-abortion, and would without hesitation abort any baby I was carrying, she has my vote. Because no matter how pro-choice she is, she doesn't have the power to handcuff me and look me in a room for eight months. This is like the anti-Catholics who thought it all through and then went ahead and voted for JFK. It sounds explosive, but I truly believe, like gay marriage, it's really a non-issue. Both are here to stay, along with high school day care...
Hey, even if she does get elected, serves two terms, then is herself elected President, packs the 7th and 8th conservative Supreme Court Justices on the bench, gets Roe v. Wade overturned, and gets a constitutional amendment outlawing abortion, don't sweat it, I'll personally drive you to Tijuana, no charge.
I have no information that bears on that explosive, contentious, divisive issue. Good luck America.
But I do have experience with "surprise" pregnancies. Liz and I went to a convention and I got tipsy on room-service champagne (She got WASTED!! Is there anything randier than hotel sex?) Well, we, too, had that baby and now he's a sophomore at SFSU, FU-OK?
So I'm betting she got pregnant right after she and her husband were flown to New York, put up in a fine hotel, and then they went to her Vogue photo shoot.
So although I am totally pro-abortion, and would without hesitation abort any baby I was carrying, she has my vote. Because no matter how pro-choice she is, she doesn't have the power to handcuff me and look me in a room for eight months. This is like the anti-Catholics who thought it all through and then went ahead and voted for JFK. It sounds explosive, but I truly believe, like gay marriage, it's really a non-issue. Both are here to stay, along with high school day care...
Hey, even if she does get elected, serves two terms, then is herself elected President, packs the 7th and 8th conservative Supreme Court Justices on the bench, gets Roe v. Wade overturned, and gets a constitutional amendment outlawing abortion, don't sweat it, I'll personally drive you to Tijuana, no charge.
We'll start with an Easy One ...
Which one of the folk below could always get a laugh with that patented wise crack: "Oh, I would just LOVE to touch your peepee!"?
Hmmm.... maybe it isn't that easy...
Hmmm.... maybe it isn't that easy...
Cheap
There are definitely times when cheap is good. Like playing 'twilight golf.' There you are, the afternoon free, so you go the course and since it's after the start of 'twilight time' you get to play 18 holes for $12, walking. 75 cents a hole, people!! These bargains still exist! Talk about cheap!!
And then there's the other cheap. Like the dozen pens I got a Staples for just showing up with a coupon. 12 pens for free, and I was there going anyway! But how much is the aggravation worth in trying to get them to write?
And then the half-off printer toner that crapped out in less than a month, and the complimentary condom that broke and now I'm a dad again...
But then there's the 99¢ Store! They have Sangria Senorial, the two liter bottle, for 99¢! You can't get it for less than $1.79 at the regular Mexican stores! But then they balance it out with the 99¢ window washer fluid that looks just like Windex, but turns out to be just blue colored water.
The candidate who promises to create a Department of Honest Cheap Deals will get my vote.
(One thing worse than a cheap deal that turned out to be no good: an expensive deal that turned out to be no good.)
And then there's the other cheap. Like the dozen pens I got a Staples for just showing up with a coupon. 12 pens for free, and I was there going anyway! But how much is the aggravation worth in trying to get them to write?
And then the half-off printer toner that crapped out in less than a month, and the complimentary condom that broke and now I'm a dad again...
But then there's the 99¢ Store! They have Sangria Senorial, the two liter bottle, for 99¢! You can't get it for less than $1.79 at the regular Mexican stores! But then they balance it out with the 99¢ window washer fluid that looks just like Windex, but turns out to be just blue colored water.
The candidate who promises to create a Department of Honest Cheap Deals will get my vote.
(One thing worse than a cheap deal that turned out to be no good: an expensive deal that turned out to be no good.)
Thursday, August 28, 2008
I sane, We sane, Usain Bolt
I submit to you that Usain Bolt is a better fast runner than Michael Phelps is a fast swimmer.
If the Olympics had eight races Bolt could have run in, he would also have eight gold medals. And none of the races would have been close. There would be gaps between Bolt and second place long enough for Pistols to make love ... twice.
How come running doesn't have...?
100 meter backwards race
200 meter backwards race
100 meter sideways race
200 meter sideways race
400 meter medley backwards/sideways race
Add these to the Olympic racing menu and Bolt would absolutely look far and away the better performer.
You think a lifeguard does a medley of strokes when he or she is trying to save a swimmer? Anything but the free-style is a freak of let's-have-races-with-sillyass-strokes-so-coaches-and-human-aquariums-can-make-more-money nature. Although there will always be a place in my heart for the breast stroke...
This post is not intended to take anything away from Phelps, except the White, Euro-centric aura of invinceabilidility. (c'mon, invincebilidility is an awesome word!)
I don't have this problem, but I want to be tested...
There's a male sexual stiff upper lip advertisement that has this line (Why are there so many of these during golf? As a golfer, am I supposed to be impotent and in need of financial advice?):
"Ask your physician if you're healthy enough for sexual activity..."
As Ghawd is my witness I cannot believe that any man ever asks himself this question. Sure, I can see a guy holding the top of his underwear open, looking down and asking his dick, "are you up for this?" But no guy stands in front of a mirror, looks himself in the eye and asks, "Am I healthy enough for sexual activity?" After all, he's breathing, right?
Even the fact that most of us know what happened to Nelson Rockefeller doesn't deter us.
But then the question arises, if I suspect that I'm not healthy enough for sexual activity, what kind of tests are involved and will my health insurance pay for a licensed prostitute to administer them?
And if there are neither insurance policies nor prostitutes available in my area, how much for a franchise?
"Ask your physician if you're healthy enough for sexual activity..."
As Ghawd is my witness I cannot believe that any man ever asks himself this question. Sure, I can see a guy holding the top of his underwear open, looking down and asking his dick, "are you up for this?" But no guy stands in front of a mirror, looks himself in the eye and asks, "Am I healthy enough for sexual activity?" After all, he's breathing, right?
Even the fact that most of us know what happened to Nelson Rockefeller doesn't deter us.
But then the question arises, if I suspect that I'm not healthy enough for sexual activity, what kind of tests are involved and will my health insurance pay for a licensed prostitute to administer them?
And if there are neither insurance policies nor prostitutes available in my area, how much for a franchise?
Advertising molds America
Advertising works. That's all you need to know.
If America's best advertising people would take the requisite cuts in pay and good times to serve in state and national elected offices, we'd have huge tax cuts, a VAT tax replacing income taxes, popular wars in Iraq, Afghanistan, Georgia, Iran, Darfur, Mexico and Canada would be invading us in hopes that we'd conquer and take them over, and a zero-balance national debt.
Where's my proof? Look in your cupboard, refrigerator, closet, garage and heart...
Wouldn't we be better off with these people working for us instead of against us?
If America's best advertising people would take the requisite cuts in pay and good times to serve in state and national elected offices, we'd have huge tax cuts, a VAT tax replacing income taxes, popular wars in Iraq, Afghanistan, Georgia, Iran, Darfur, Mexico and Canada would be invading us in hopes that we'd conquer and take them over, and a zero-balance national debt.
Where's my proof? Look in your cupboard, refrigerator, closet, garage and heart...
Wouldn't we be better off with these people working for us instead of against us?
Yesterday was all about Golf
Except for the time spent at the CHP and the DMV.
The CHP is the California Highway Patrol. While I was there on very mundane business of my own, a guy came in to talk to a CHP officer. A staff person told him that person was off that day, would be back today and Friday, and would then be on vacation for the entire month of September. I was kind of stunned. What with all the state holidays they get, CHP officers get about as much vacation as a President of the United States. PLUS they get overtime! And they get to shoot people!!
At the DMV I watched unhealthy looking American women being totally in charge of what you do and where you stand for the next half-hour of your life. But having that kind of power didn't seem to make them any happier than the average prison guard or jailer.
Today it's office work and playing on the internet. One is more profitable, one is more fun. Why can't I bill you by the blog?
The CHP is the California Highway Patrol. While I was there on very mundane business of my own, a guy came in to talk to a CHP officer. A staff person told him that person was off that day, would be back today and Friday, and would then be on vacation for the entire month of September. I was kind of stunned. What with all the state holidays they get, CHP officers get about as much vacation as a President of the United States. PLUS they get overtime! And they get to shoot people!!
At the DMV I watched unhealthy looking American women being totally in charge of what you do and where you stand for the next half-hour of your life. But having that kind of power didn't seem to make them any happier than the average prison guard or jailer.
Today it's office work and playing on the internet. One is more profitable, one is more fun. Why can't I bill you by the blog?
Tuesday, August 26, 2008
The Naked Picture
At some point in time a tiny portion of the world's population will finally be able to sit in front of its HDTV and watch the Showtime or HBO presentation of THE BILL & HILL STORY.
I just hope that when the time comes it's with full frontal nudity. Especially their college years... Oh, yeah, and Bill's years between age 14 and, oh... about 70. Talk about a legacy!
How many years into the marriage do you think Bill finally learned to tune her out? I'm guessing he hasn't really heard a word she's said since three days into the honeymoon. Well, that's how I'd write his character... See, I'm all for gritty realism.
I just hope that when the time comes it's with full frontal nudity. Especially their college years... Oh, yeah, and Bill's years between age 14 and, oh... about 70. Talk about a legacy!
How many years into the marriage do you think Bill finally learned to tune her out? I'm guessing he hasn't really heard a word she's said since three days into the honeymoon. Well, that's how I'd write his character... See, I'm all for gritty realism.
Equal Time Doctrine ...
Yes, yes, yes, the Showtime/HBO presentation of "DUBYA W-III" will star Cheech & Chong as President Bush and Vice President Cheney.
Amateurs Rule!
A guy who writes a column and is paid for it said something today that tickled my fancy ... ass. I'm going to paraphrase him so as to make it more palatable to the urban tongue. That's you guys, hip urban tongues.
If an ordinary citizen could order a book from Amazon, read it and then successfully take out a loved one's appendix, we probably wouldn't have much respect for surgeons.
But if an ordinary citizen gets a book from Amazon, reads it and then home-schools her kids and they win spelling bees and get into good colleges, we hire more school teachers and school administrators, increase their pay, raise even more money for schools via bonds and taxes and just generally wring our hands in despair that we can't get a certain segment of school age kids to be interested in school.
So what do amateur school teachers know or do that professional school teachers don't know or don't do?
If an ordinary citizen could order a book from Amazon, read it and then successfully take out a loved one's appendix, we probably wouldn't have much respect for surgeons.
But if an ordinary citizen gets a book from Amazon, reads it and then home-schools her kids and they win spelling bees and get into good colleges, we hire more school teachers and school administrators, increase their pay, raise even more money for schools via bonds and taxes and just generally wring our hands in despair that we can't get a certain segment of school age kids to be interested in school.
So what do amateur school teachers know or do that professional school teachers don't know or don't do?
Sunday, August 24, 2008
No Charge
Information/Knowledge is good stuff. It are good stuff, too, when there's more than one of it.
There has probably never been a time when Information/Knowledge (I/K) couldn't be exchanged for whatever the local currency was. I/K is big business right now. HUGE business!! People to the right of you, people to the left of you, people above you, people below you, are all paying MONEY for I/K! Greenbacks, gelt, wampum, dinero, pacino... Even just sitting there sipping your double latte diet Coke, you can easily think of I/K that you could sell for enough to retire quietly to your very own island nation, where the UN won't let anyone under 18 live or visit.
But here's a bit of I/K I'm giving away for free. Most bloggers, because we are wordy bastids, always eager to get a word in edge-wise, will have no use for it; we've evolved beyond the need for this. But pass it along to someone else who might need it. And no fair charging!!
This I/K is for people who have trouble conversing. You've got the attentive look down, with the 'good eye contact' thing working for you. But when the other person stops talking and gets this expectant look in his or her eyes (or eye, because of that accident with an engorged male member) and you know you're supposed to say something, but there's nothing there, for any number of reasons, some of them your fault, some of them not, here's what you say and do:
"I've got two words for you..." And then pick two words that are somehow connected to the topic the other person was going on about. Like "Tropic Thunder" if the subject was movies, or "Elvis Presley" if the subject was music, or "repeatable experiment" if the subject was nuclear fusion or the female orgasm.
Now if you weren't paying close enough attention to know what that subject was, then just say, "Barack Obama." And raise one eyebrow and smile.
If the other person enthusiastically starts talking again, you're home free. If the other person looks at you quizzically, sneer and turn and walk away; you're no worse off than you were before you said it.
Caveat: This can work with a spouse, significant other or sexual target, and is worth the risks involved, but never try this with your employer!
There has probably never been a time when Information/Knowledge (I/K) couldn't be exchanged for whatever the local currency was. I/K is big business right now. HUGE business!! People to the right of you, people to the left of you, people above you, people below you, are all paying MONEY for I/K! Greenbacks, gelt, wampum, dinero, pacino... Even just sitting there sipping your double latte diet Coke, you can easily think of I/K that you could sell for enough to retire quietly to your very own island nation, where the UN won't let anyone under 18 live or visit.
But here's a bit of I/K I'm giving away for free. Most bloggers, because we are wordy bastids, always eager to get a word in edge-wise, will have no use for it; we've evolved beyond the need for this. But pass it along to someone else who might need it. And no fair charging!!
This I/K is for people who have trouble conversing. You've got the attentive look down, with the 'good eye contact' thing working for you. But when the other person stops talking and gets this expectant look in his or her eyes (or eye, because of that accident with an engorged male member) and you know you're supposed to say something, but there's nothing there, for any number of reasons, some of them your fault, some of them not, here's what you say and do:
"I've got two words for you..." And then pick two words that are somehow connected to the topic the other person was going on about. Like "Tropic Thunder" if the subject was movies, or "Elvis Presley" if the subject was music, or "repeatable experiment" if the subject was nuclear fusion or the female orgasm.
Now if you weren't paying close enough attention to know what that subject was, then just say, "Barack Obama." And raise one eyebrow and smile.
If the other person enthusiastically starts talking again, you're home free. If the other person looks at you quizzically, sneer and turn and walk away; you're no worse off than you were before you said it.
Caveat: This can work with a spouse, significant other or sexual target, and is worth the risks involved, but never try this with your employer!
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