This is more than just a cautionary tale, although on that level alone it should be required reading on all our campuses, cinema centers, malls and gallerias. This tale is also a road map to get you where you need to go. Amen.
Our story starts in a large, small or medium sized city or farm, much like where you live! And just like where you live, the sun comes up in the morning, sashays across the sky, and set in the evening, always at dusk. The sun is like a metronome that keeps time in the same arc. Arc-arc!
A boy was born to a man and a woman, just like where you live. His name was He Don’t Know Shit. Later, because we all somehow stupidly believe that the man in a relationship should be older, a girl was born. Her name was She Was Messed Up. And of course it’s so obvious: they met and married, just like kids do where you live. And because like some of the females you know, She Was Messed Up was messed up, she did the hyphenate thingy with her name and became She Was Messed Up-Don’t Know Shit.
Life lived itself, just like where you live, and when He Don’t Know Shit was 80 and She Was Messed Up-Don’t Know Shit was 79, some of their friends, two of whom had known them all their lives, got together to compile a list of accomplishments by the couple, He & She Don’t Know Shit. It turned out that all the couple had done, their entire lives, was live up to their names.
So there you go, and now you know: The rebels in our society, the ones who are for the most part completely happy, want the rest of us to come to the realization that society’s rules are meant to be twisted, bent, splayed, torn, mangled, gouged, shredded, chopped, basted, baked in a 300° oven and served over a bed of rice pilaf, but in a nice way, a way that promotes family values and good scouting, but no cheap wine, get the good stuff...
Here’s a clue: break all the speed limit laws you want, but do it sober. And if you’re pulled over, and the cop says you were doing 80, smile, and make it a genuinely happy smile, with a twinkle in your eyes (metaphorically speaking because we all know you can’t read a gall-darn thing in a human eye) and tell him his radar may need recalibrating because you had your cruise control pegged at 85. Hold the smile, hold the smile.... Sign the ticket, hold the smile...
7 comments:
i know a lot of "she was messed up" and "he don't know shit" teenagers, but mine end up in prison, and it isn't for going 80 in a 45.
jilly
I am printing this out and showing it to the cops the next time I'm caught speeding.
I am late to this philosophy, but have been wholeheartedly embracing it now that I am old. Thanks for the reminder.
If the cops catch you, you weren't going fast enough. Boss Hog ain't never gonna catch me.
When I am doing 90 mph tomorrow I will think of this post and smile. When I am doing 90 days in jail for going 50 over the speed limit I will not listen to your advice anymore :)
Just so we're clear here, should all this be BEFORE or AFTER I offer to show the nice policeman my boobs in exchange for not receiving a moving violation?
Bert and T have eloped and are painting yellow street numbers in the snow in Alaska.
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