All the News that's poop to print

I have to tread carefully here, because to a handful of people the basic set of facts from which this post grows constitutes a tragedy. Not to mention that I don't want to violate the Primal Precept of the internet, never prevaricate, not even if sex is involved.

So first, the basic set of facts, as lifted from irrefutable sources, Drudge, my local paper and my joi de vivre:

"A Florida Highway Patrol spokesperson announced that five young men are dead after a car they were riding in crashed after traveling off an airport runway. According to preliminary FHP investigation, a 2008 gray BMW with 5 male occupants, ages 18 to 20, was traveling at a high rate of speed, reached the end of the airstrip, which terminates with an embankment. and then "flew" (it must have seemed to them, for that brief interlude, that they were flying) 200 feet before coming gracelessly into contact with that big globe called the Earth, but missing any hint of the three-quarters of the Earth's surface covered with water, colliding instead with dirt."

I'm guessing that it is very possible that "alcohol was involved."

Further on in one of the stories I read, it said, and I quote: "BMW engineers recovered the cockpit voice recorder. The last two seconds of the recording captured three 'Oh shits,' one 'Mommieeee!' and a 'Wheeeee!'"

A release from Darwin Awards.org read in part: "Hey, the year is young. Who knows, these guys might not even merit an honorable mention."

A spokesman for the Church of Scientology, which was contacted because John 'I've been eclipsed by that little runt' Travolota lives in this 'fly-in' community, would only say that the Church is investigating rumors that Thetans bought beer for these underage kids.