Dos Lagos

Not the beer, the golf course.

It's new. I don't know when it opened, but it'll be our first time playing it. Big T booked the times there for the Wednesday group. He's not a Senior, so he has to pay a lot more than everyone else. We mock and ridicule him, but deep down in our heart of hearts, we envy him his youth; he's a young Nureyev, to our Abe Vigodas. I weep...

Playing a new course for the first time is like choosing a new girl at Madam Harriet's Bridal Palace, where for the current price of a 1974 Gremlin you can practice making a baby. Which is what golf's all about, making babies. I give you as my first bit of evidence Mr. Tiger Woods, baby maker extraordinary. My niece, the little hottie, is now a nanny and she has great hopes of landing herself a man of wealth and charming vigor, just like the girl who landed Tiger Woods.

Yes, I know it's almost sacriloyal to be thinking about golf and making babies on 9/11, but 9/11 or not, the world, especially Old White Europe, needs babies. Remember to give at the office.