Excuse me while I natter on about, finally, something I know very little about: being male. Hey, no one ever said that producing, storing and delivering sperm was going to be a walk in the park. And if it is, what’s the name of that park?
And no, just because 'lubricant' is in the sub-head, this isn't about sex. Well, not graphically about sex…
It's my belief that testosterone makes us (men) capable of being friendless, just like the alpha male in any group of primates, bimates, trimates or quadramates. Such alpha males are always on the look out for challenges to their supremacy, i.e., their sperm duties. Alpha males simply don’t ever learn to let their guards down. They can’t go out with the guys, can’t shoot a little stick at the VFW, play golf with some beer-swilling buddies, idolize NASCAR drivers, etc., etc.
But Human males have risen above that; we have made all kind of strides in male bonding, binge drinking and gang banging. How’d we do it? How the heck should I know?
I’d like to think it’s because we can ‘reason’, whatever you decide that means. But most of us do draw lines. Maybe Jesus or Mahatma Gandhi could rise above ‘natural tendencies’ and not feel the need to ‘hate’ a person or some specific group of other males. All the men I’ve been around hate someone, or some group. Me included. Luckily I have learned discrimination and I don’t blindly hate groups. Also luckily, I don’t let people know I hate them. After all, what if you needed to use that person in your climb up the corporate ladder or the ladder into a bed of reproductivity?
Why the heck did I put ‘or’ in that last sentence? It’s ALL about climbing into the bed of reproductivity and delivering that sperm! TOUCHDOWN! THREE POINTER! HOLE IN ONE! ACE! BULLS EYE!
And yes, to the yellow journalists among you, I did once gang rape myself. When you’re 17 there are precious few limits to self-abuse.
5 comments:
I think human males can participate in group activities if no women around them are in heat. Let a stimulated female enter a bar and the men immediately begin throwing stools.
In seeking to refine your postulate, is it fair to say that the woman has to be viewed as 'available'? Women performing on a stage aren't often 'available' so the men are content with just whooping it up, with being convivial. But you certainly are right about when a woman is viewed as being 'available' (the same thing as 'being in heat,' really...) and then it's Katie bar the door.
I didn't get a feel for whether you feel sorry for us or not...
Feel sorry for you...? Wait, give me a sec to quit laughing.
Yum, yeah, of course I feel sorry for you. I can't imagine what it would be like to have a hormone battle going on inside me.
Okay, you win. I don't feel sorry for us either.
Well, I don't feel sorry for you because of your hormones, but there are other reasons.
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