Or is it the other way around?
I have a problem. It was presented to me as an opportunity.
See, I teach part-time at a Christian Truck Driving school. Christian big rig drivers are 71% safer than non-Christian big rig drivers and we at Hosanna 2-D Highest Driving School are proud to help support this statistic.
A young man who graduated about eight months ago has become a bit of a success story for our school. He married a fine Christian woman whom he met in class. But it was obvious that he has been the driving force in their Christian truck driving success.
They've been team driving for the last three months for C.R. England. They bought a Freightliner cab-over with an expanded back bunk. And it turned out that he has been writing a book when she's behind the wheel. I first learned about it when he called to ask me to write the forward to his book. I said fine and he mailed me a galley. Those of you who've kept up with my blog here will know that I'm not the least bit fazed by requests to put fingers to keyboard. In theory, I can write about anything.
But the title threw me for a loop: Flatulence in the Christian Home. And he was serious! He wrote 22 chapters about why God allows flatulence, it's place in the pre-existence, why He made it part of our mortal existence, why it's necessary and how it tests love and makes us better people.
On and on and on about farts! Christian farts! Christian farting!! Christians smelling farts!!!
So there's my opportunity, and my problem. What can I say as a forward to Christian farting?
And no, my friend's book does not make one single comment, observation or prediction about passing gas in Heaven. The obvious joke, about ascending to Heaven during the Rapture on 'clouds of glory' wouldn't be appreciated... Nor do I intend to mention passing gas in Heaven in the forward. So I know what not to say, but what can I offer to prepare the reader for this smelly oeuvre?
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7 comments:
I assume he will self-publish this book.
Keep the foreword short and sweet. (No pun intended.)
Tree, isn't flatulence always self-published?
Secret Rapture, was I special, or do you leap upon anyone using the word Rapture in a blog?
Are non-Christian farts the silent but deadly kind?
There's gotta be some kind of correlation... Christians are woofers, non-Christians are tweeters? Once you've rapture mind around that, lemme know.
Ms. Nibbles, have you alerted our Homeland Defense to this new terror threat?
"Once you rapture mind around that..."
Ha ha ha!
Naturally, I'm stealing it, Chris!
Feel free!
Here is my suggestion:
Joe Smith is not one to toot his own horn, so allow me the honor. Flatulence in the Christian Home is a gas. It is warm and appeals to the senses (well of some people’s senses, at least). Spend a few beans and purchase this epic tone of pungent proportions! The chapter on Gas and the book of Genesis was very creative. Joe Smith was able to draw some insightful revelations where other authors just drew mud.
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