I was born in the United States of America, I am over the age of 42 and I am not a felon. The first two are required by the Constitution. I don't think the third qualification matters anymore.
Tomorrow I will be forming a committee to explore the possibility of entering the contest for President of the United States. I have long considered how suitable I am for this office and today was finally goaded into 'exploring' this option by Even-Handed Hope. So you know who to blame...
I have not yet begun to select planks for my platform. I welcome any suggestions that do not smack of hedonism, socialism or baptism. But I do have very soft spots in my circulatory pump for despotism and nihilism. But I can't see running on a despotic nihilism ticket. Or would it be nihilistic despotism ticket? Never mind, they're both out, at least until my second term...
Oh! I do have a plank! So here's my first plank: The passing of a Constitutional amendment to replace the provisions of the 16th Amendment (the Federal Income Tax) with new provisions for financing the operation of government. This would be via a national sales tax on comestibles, paid at the consumer level, and a 1% tax on the gross income of each and every business (no matter how big or small) in America.
Feel free to suggest any planks that you feel would help me create the kind of Presidential legacy that Martin Sheen and Gina Davis would kill for.
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8 comments:
You have my vote. I like your tax plan; simple yet effective.
I think another plank should include pasta; something everyone loves, but the current powers that be have made evil.
I'm not eligible to vote in the US but I like the way you're leaning toward sticking it to The Man. But why stop at 1% ?
My government taxes every man, woman and child 14% on all goods and services sold in Canada (except for "necessities" like food, water, shelter, toilet paper). This has been happening since long before I was born, so I don't really notice it...all I know is that I get free healthcare and I paid very little for a decent post-secondary education.
BANANAS IN '08!
Anything higher than 1% would put too big of a hurting on small buisnesses.
You got my vote Boit!
My exploratory committee has spoken.
My banana peel is in the ring!
Behold!
The Believable, Beloved, Bright, Budget Balancing, Baton twirling, never Boring Bert Banana has Boldly Burst upon the Bureaucratic scene with a Bid for the Presidency!!!! Oh Boy. He has the Backbone to do it and he is not Bashful! He stands for the Betterment of the people.
(I volunteer to be your press agent. You can pay me in Raisinets.)
By the way, what happened to your plan to help me make my first million with my pottery, Mr. President????
: )
Oh, and how is this for a campaign slogan:
Bert Bananas...he has appeal.
: ) ...sorry, I couldn't resist.
So you would put a national tax on top of the state sales tax? This idea seems kind of regressive to me. A poor person will proportionally pay far more of their income to tax than a rich person. I'm not a "sock it to the rich" type of guy, but there needs to be some sense of fairness.
So Bert, tell me who are your core supporters? Unions? Bankers? Golfers? Figure you will need at least $50 million in early money just to get started. Better get some of those interest groups in line. Also, who is doing your field campaign? Even your populist message won't gain traction without local organizations.
Regards to the Business tax, is this gross domestic income or total gross. Also, how do you define a business in America? If GE has a subsidiary in China that sells widgets exclusively to the Chinese does that count? Also, if Toyota makes cars in Alabama will they have to pay on domestic output or on all income?
What is your feeling on a BTU tax? Could that work?
I'm with you, Bert, but we have to get to work!
I have a reputation for inspiring people to great heights, but this is ridiculous!
Have you looked into the Libertine Party, or maybe you would be more comfortable as an Autocrat? (You could try the Automat, but they're out of business.)
The only plank you really need is planked salmon, and you'll get the New Orleans vote if you espouse Bananas Foster...all this stuff about gross national product will be easy for you, and expert in grossness in everything.
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