Basket Crosse or LaBaskette Balle?

Or, Bert Bananas Sorts Things Out

You heard it here first, folks. After the theft of my idea of a National Dodge Ball Federation, I sat down and had a long talk with myself. Despite the theft of that idea and the loss of tens, and perhaps even hundreds of dollars, I was able to come to grips with the notion that money isn't everything. Compared with oxygen, money runs a poor second place. So I forgave the thieves...

And now that I've come up with an even greater sensation, I realize that giving it away for freeway is the best way to go. It worked for me in high school and college, so why not now? Take it (me), I'm yours.

It was a natural and I think you'll agree. Men love violence. Okay, not all men, but most men. And lots of women love violence; maybe not a majority of them, but enough...

So we combine the artistry of basketball with the thuggery of lacrosse. We suit the player up with light armor, give them big lacrosse sticks, sized up to handle a basketball, raise the baskets higher and toss up a jump ball. You couldn't actually have referees on the game floor, but they could be on the sidelines, ready to help clear the dead and severely wounded. It would open up the game to men under 6' tall, since with the basket raised, size won't have quite the premium it does in basket ball. Speed, nimbleness, the ability to absorb punishment, these are the qualities that will count. And I swear on Thor's Hammer, the crowds will love the violence.

Oh, please, please... no thanks are necessary. I'm just doing my part for Evolution.