Not Quite a Malaprop, but heading there

A current headline speaks of the Philippines being "battered."

Without the appropriate prepositional phrase, the issue is at that point in doubt. When inanimate objects are 'battered' we need the precision that a prepositional phrase would bring to the issue. Such as, "Philippines being battered by Col. Sanders." See? Now we can complete the mental image.

For some reason 'battered' never gets used in baseball stories. Why is that? We have batteries in baseball, but while it's a fact that baseballs get hit with great frequency, hitters are never complimented for being great batterers.

And someday, in a town or village near you, a husband will batter his wife in mixture of corn meal and chocolate frosting, sprinkle her with almond slivers and then make her every sexual fantasy come true (that don't involve him staying awake after he climaxes).

Once this trend starts, we won't automatically cringe every time we see a headline about a man battering a woman. We can read the story with a sense of hope, and even entitlement!