No, but he's got a great personality!

Yes, that was me they were always talking about. Not the least bit cute or cuddly, but damn, what a great personality!

And I probably do have an above average personality, if I'm allowed to mess around with the statistical base you intend to use as the measuring stick. Put me up against Rap Groups of the early 90s and I'll do just fine.

But what's important here is what those of you who ask for a second opinion when you see yourself in a mirror can learn from me. And here it is: It's possible to get laid with almost the frequency that you'd desire if you were running a home for WWII veterans whose teenage granddaughters only visit when they need tuition money. All you have to do is do what any good scout would do: Be Prepared. And smile and be ready with a joke or to light up a smoke.

I can't tell you how many times I turned a good listening ear into an awkward breakfast. But if you don't mind someone not remembering your name, the awkwardness is almost endearing. But try to avoid looking in her eyes. You won't like what you see there.

When you get down to it, having sex with a truly beautiful woman is not that big a deal. It will soon come to pass that you won't be able to remember what an orgasm was like. Which brings me to the final ingredient in living a great life even though you were born to be in the servant class: Denial.