If this little jaunt into communication theory helps just ONE person...

I hope that person gives me a lot of money.

Sophomore year in collich(sic) I took Communications 201. I am very sure that most people who took it treated it like non-psysh majors treated Psychology 101. Some of the classes were interesting, but there was no need to really know it, because it's just theories n' stuff...

Communication is getting ideas, thoughts, dreams, knowledge, fears, hopes, emotions, warning, threats, etc. from one human to another. Because it's mostly very easy and so based on context, we don't really feel the need to learn what communication really consists of. I open my mouth, words come out and five minutes later I get my Ciabatta Breakfast sandwich. Ergo, communicating is simple! Yes, but only when it's about things that don't matter.

About the context thing... If I point a gun at you and snarl, "Give me all your money," you pretty much have gotten exactly the point I wanted you to get. If I point a bag of ripe tomatoes at you and snarl, "Give me all your money," you're in communication limbo. You don't know what I'm trying to tell you. Context and setting... If you're in Macy's and a voice from 200 yards away yells "4!" you are not going to react the same way you would if you were in the middle of a golf course and heard "4!" See? Context and setting.

When the boundaries of your contextual engagement are blurry, or too faint to see, this is when you have to learn 'communication, the science thereof.' And if you have the time and the patience, it's not hard. Motivation helps, too.

Today's lesson is about a basic units of communication: Words. Admit it, you use them!

It is probable that 'words' are not what you think they are. Most people think of words as containers, and conceive of communication as the exchange of containers between parties. We often consider the other party to be at fault when he or she doesn't 'understand' what we're trying to say. We think to ourselves, "Geez, I handed over the containers, why doesn't he get it!!" But there was no 'exchange.'

Take this example:

Mom: "Lori, I think you and Jeff should cool it."

Lori: "mmmmm" (But inside, she's saying, "I hate you! I love Jeff! I'm not leaving him!" and then she tells Jeff what Mom said and they elope, she gets pregnant and dies during a back-room abortion that Jess convinced her to get.)

All because there was no communication. Mom handed a container labeled "cool it" to Lori. But Lori didn't take that container and look into, as Mom was assuming. Nope, what Lori did was look at the label and then go to her storage shelves and pull down her "cool it" container. Its content was significantly different from the container Mom had offered. In Mom's container "cool it" meant turn the fire down a little, take it easy. You can see what's coming. In Lori's container, "cool it" meant stop entirely.

So when you're in a situation where complete communication is a important, think about the fact that your definition of a word may not be the same as the other party's definition of that word. The solution is paraphrasing. Ask the person to repeat back to you, using different words, just what it is he or she thinks you just said. This can save a relationship, a project, a job, a life.... oh, the possibilities are endless!