GPS technology is fascinating stuff. The signal that beams up to the triangulating satellites can carry a lot of information. Most people know that the signal carries I.D. information for the GPS unit, needed so that the reverse-stream information, telling you what street you're on and when to turn left. But it can carry up just about any other data that's reducible to 1s and 0s. Like when installed in government vehicles, it can give you gas consumption data, engine maintenance data and tell you how fast you're going, along with where it is you're going so fast. This has lead to government personnel losing their jobs because the data that was being monitored allowed supervisors to discover and prove misfeasance and down-right malfeasance. Like leaving the city yard after lunch and driving like a bat out of hell to a casino in Atlantic City, instead of into downtown Bayonne to inspect electrical wiring at construction sites. And then putting in for overtime because you were on a roll at the craps table...
The news is full of how GPS devices are improving the efficiency and economy of government vehicle usage. There really is a Big Brother, and he really would like to watch you.
Now comes news of Genital GPS. Yep. Distrustful spouses can wire up their partners with a lockable GPS belt that has sensing monitors on straps that criss-cross critical crotchital hoo-ha's, sending back data regarding blood flow, heat, moisture and muscular spasming.
So it is now official: Nothing is sacred.
P.S.: strip clubs in the South are offering ice packs to their customers who request them.
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9 comments:
Ahem... just what else does this thing do? You just may not need the Distrustful Spouse any longer.
Groin Protection Services? I always swore I'd stay out of that line of work.
One problem: like most men, I don't ever want to know where and with whom my woman's been. If we had a printout of all our "love mistakes," we'd be too busy judging each other to do it.
You fail to mention the most interesting part of GPS in cars at least (let's not mention the genital GPS because my brain is still reeling). The best thing about automobile GPS is the array of odd voices you get to choose from. When i drove to Florida last summer we found some dude who sounded like Sylvester Stallone. It was the main entertainment of the trip. Imagine Rocky demanding you turn left in 200 yards, it's way funnier than it sounds, honestly!
What sort of spouse allows their privates to be wired to a GPS? Is this a modern day chastity belt?
Genital Peeping Spouses on the next Jerry Springer.
Merry Belated Turkey Holiday. Come see my gobbler.
well they have to find a way to fire govenment employes for something. it's almost impossible to get fired from a federal government job and as long as you show up to work. every 2-3 years you earn your step increase and can earn yourself a great retirement after 25 years, and only 20 for some jobs, then you can go work for the state for another 20-25 years and get another government pension at another job that's just as hard to get fired from as long as you show up to.
my father in law spent 45 years with the federal government reading the washington post and playing solitaire all day (when the PC became standard) until they let him retire 5 years early and get paid 75%. He basically was still on the payroll, his job was still open, but he just didn't go to work for a few years. Now he's fully retired and gets his full pension (he's on the old system) but they still pay him to go back in and "consult" which means he randomly shows up and e-mails a few people and then goes home again. I mean, if you're lazy and love sitting on your ass in a cubicle, it's the perfect life. by-the-way, i think it's ironic that when he did actually work at work, he helped program the GPS for NOAA.
Jilly
p.s. bert, i put some new pictures up.
Bert, I have not heard from you since the great atheist debacle of aught November. Hope you're well!
Helloooooooooo?
Did the Genital GPS take off some parts?
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