The 2nd Coming of the Messiah

Christians, a radical sect originating from suspicious origins around three hundred years after the departure from Earth of their Messiah, Jesus of Nazareth and Points East, believe that Jesus will be returning.

The Bible, a tract cobbled together during that same third century post-Jesus of N&PE, is clear on the point that "no man knows the hour of My coming...," but is not clear, much less hinting at, the issue of WHERE He will be 'returning.' Logically there was probably an assumption that He'd be returning from whence He'd departed, the now aptly named Holyland. (isn't it saying something that you've a better chance being Saved at Graceland than in the Holyland?)

There is now significant interest in getting Him to schedule that 2nd Coming for America. The Mormons say He'll be returning to Zion. Zion Prime is in Missouri. Zion Practical is Salt Lake City. The Mormons are nothing if not ego-centric.

Suppose Jesus of N&PE does show up in Salt Lake City at the end of January, 2008? On a Thursday? Sure, there will be any number of people who will want to hear His message. But I foresee that there will be a significant number of people who will not want their evening's favorite TV shows preempted. Many of us don't think Jesus of N&PE has anything to add to the information already being promulgated in His name.

Only two things will pique my interest: Will He strike dead the people I think could use a tiny bit of being struck dead? And will He teach us to turn salt water into gasoline, or provide some other method of transportation that is both free and still requires that we all purchase auto insurance. Oh, yeah... Will the paparazzi stalk Him? Will there be a TMZ.com and a National Inquirer, both ready to buy and publish photos of Jesus without His underwear on?

Not many people take the time to think about what life on Earth, much less life in America, will be like after a 2nd Coming. Are you seeing the potential for a new show on the WB? You'll never see Jesus, but the premise of the show is that He's back and He's cleaning house, and it turns out that speed limits are not in God's plans. The run of the show would be the 1000 years He is set to reign here.

That's right, a thousand years of being good. No sin, no abuse of drugs. No sex outside of marriage, every boy an Eagle Scout, every girl majoring in Child Development & Family Relations. Nothing but pure, clean Happiness. No gambling, nothing of a prurient nature, no crime, no competition, no illness or injury beyond the recuperative powers of prayer and the laying on of hands, no advertising of product and services you don't really need and no television programming not approved by the only channel transmitting, JBS.

Oh yeah!