How Many Rules Are There?

None! And if we had any, we wouldn't call them rules!!!

It's getting kind of wacky... People are emailing me, people are stopping me on the street... I've even been pulled over on the highway and asked about it. The dental hygienist yesterday wouldn't let me get a word in edgewise, with all her questions...

So here goes, for all of you who want some answers to these two questions: What is Laztheism and where can I get me some?

Laztheism has in the past been handed down from father to son. Only occasionally has it passed from father to daughter. These rare instances can only occur where there is no son for him to work with. But mostly it's because women tend to make want too much sense and order to their lives.

This attempt to lay out some principles is doomed from the start. "Principles" implies some kind of order. So...

Laztheism is without order, without merit and without pride.

It just gets better.

Laztheism can only be practiced by that rare segment of the human population which doesn't require any more adulation than is provided by a mirror. Laztheism teaches us to put off until tomorrow that which someone else will do today, but only if no one is hurt, except maybe their pride.

Laztheism doesn't allow the practitioner to hold sway over another human being who hasn't been paid for the privilege.

Laztheism teaches the practitioner to make every one with whom he comes into contact smile. Whether they want to or not. And you can't force them, but you can use deceit and slight of hand. And sex.

Laztheists NEVER need or want to convince anyone about anything. (I still struggle with this.)

Laztheism holds no truths to be self-evident, much less absolute. Laztheism carries no brief for spiritualism, naturalism, extremism or ismism. Science is okay but often costs too much.

Laztheism wishes you the best but bids you to prepare for the worst.

Laztheism asks you to simplify your life. It's the most complicated thing you'll ever do.

Laztheism only advocates the end to advocacy. As for laws, we only obey those which are convenient or are currently being enforced. But we respect lines and appreciate orderliness.

Laztheism does not seek to measure happiness, but just to practice it and without exception, Laztheists die happy.

Is there a god? Laztheism doesn't offer an answer, but suggests you stop asking this question, and any and all questions that involve religion, politics, ethnicity, and sexuality.

Questions that require machinery, art, computation and scientific rigor for answers are encouraged.

If you aren't satisfied with this Laztheistic presentation, you have inner demons you need to dominate. Maybe you should consider Scientology?