A Philosophy for the alienated faint of heart
EXISTENTIALISM: A 20th century philosophy that emphasizes the uniqueness and isolation of the individual experience in a hostile or indifferent universe, regards human existence as unexplainable, and stresses freedom of choice and responsibility for the consequences of one's acts.
HOLY EXISTENTIALISM: A 21st century philosophy that emphasizes the uniqueness and isolation of the individual experience in religion, regards human existence as being the entire raison d'etre of the universe, and stresses freedom of choice and a total lack of responsibility for the consequences of one's acts as long as one believes there's a Higher Power who forgives you.
Having kept my wits about me during my haphazard progress through the years of my life, I am keenly aware that to be normal is to believe one is special. And being "special" creates such a LOAD of responsibilities! Most "special" people feel an obligation to bathe daily and brush and floss their teeth with metronomic regularity! What's that all about?
Think about this: people born before 1930 didn't begin to bathe regularly until the late 1950s! We in America have about 56 years of daily batheing. And there are still probably 35% of the American population who don't bathe daily! And when you get beyond our borders, how high do you think that percentage shoots up?
My point? I don't have a point. As a Holy Existentialist, all I have to have is a personal Savior and no matter how alone and/or isolated I am, I've got a Friend...
Sunday, April 30, 2006
Sunday, April 23, 2006
Bert Bananas
Knowledge is not an Absolute
Ever wonder why we don't all agree? Why you can't even get your best friend to agree with you that the Broncos will win the SuperBowl? And you just KNOW they will!
I met a Muslimite girl who told me she KNEW Allah was bigger than J.C. As we were discussing this issue, a guy with a yarmulke turned from the wall he'd been wailing at and politely interrupting, he told me that the Muslimite girl was incorrect, or worse, lying.
The Muslimite bridled with the accusation and stoutly, not to mention, hotly, that Allah was the One. She spit at yarmulke boy, who seemed not to notice. The two of them began to scream at each other.
This little scene attracted some attention and a couple of guys, in white shirts and ties, both with the first name "Elder" pushed their way through to me. "What's going on?" one of them asked. I explained the difference of opinion in re God the two were having. One of them reached into a back pack and handed me a Book of Mormon. The other one spoke in a low voice, without letting his lips move, "Read this. Then you'll know the real God." With a two-fingered tip of the hat at me, they made their way through the throng.
At this point three people had told me each one KNEW the truth, and they'd each contradicted the other two. I was very strongly of the opinion they could all three be wrong.
When it comes to religion, I, personally, think everyone who "knows" the truth is wrong. It would be the simplest explanation.
Ever wonder why we don't all agree? Why you can't even get your best friend to agree with you that the Broncos will win the SuperBowl? And you just KNOW they will!
I met a Muslimite girl who told me she KNEW Allah was bigger than J.C. As we were discussing this issue, a guy with a yarmulke turned from the wall he'd been wailing at and politely interrupting, he told me that the Muslimite girl was incorrect, or worse, lying.
The Muslimite bridled with the accusation and stoutly, not to mention, hotly, that Allah was the One. She spit at yarmulke boy, who seemed not to notice. The two of them began to scream at each other.
This little scene attracted some attention and a couple of guys, in white shirts and ties, both with the first name "Elder" pushed their way through to me. "What's going on?" one of them asked. I explained the difference of opinion in re God the two were having. One of them reached into a back pack and handed me a Book of Mormon. The other one spoke in a low voice, without letting his lips move, "Read this. Then you'll know the real God." With a two-fingered tip of the hat at me, they made their way through the throng.
At this point three people had told me each one KNEW the truth, and they'd each contradicted the other two. I was very strongly of the opinion they could all three be wrong.
When it comes to religion, I, personally, think everyone who "knows" the truth is wrong. It would be the simplest explanation.
Sunday, April 16, 2006
What if you were faking faking?
In When Harry met Sally the lead actress, whose name I can't recall right now and no one cares that I can't, does that famous scene where she's giving an example of a fake orgasm. She announces up front, here comes a fake orgasm, does so, and then somebody's mother says "I'll have what she's having." Funny stuff...
But what if the actress chick had been all panicky about that scene and had decided not to take a chance and do it Method Acting style, and had slipped a vibrator into her pants and actually HAD an orgasm? If which case she would have been faking faking!
From here, expanding exponentially, the foundations of your Reality could crumble... And don't even try to tell me that you can 't fake faking.
But what if the actress chick had been all panicky about that scene and had decided not to take a chance and do it Method Acting style, and had slipped a vibrator into her pants and actually HAD an orgasm? If which case she would have been faking faking!
From here, expanding exponentially, the foundations of your Reality could crumble... And don't even try to tell me that you can 't fake faking.
Thursday, April 13, 2006
Bert Bananas
Jesus wants you to have honey baked, spiral cut ham on Resurrection Day.
Long shot of hillside... zoom in on a darker spot on the hillside, revealing a cave. An angel flies in from screen right...
ANGEL: "He's not here! He has risen to dine on Honey Baked Ham! Seek Him in front of the TV!"
Switch to a blue collar home... A Jesus like handsome Caucasian is seated in a comfortable looking recliner. Seen behind Him is a table laden with dirty dishes, left-overs and a succulent looking Honey Baked ham, half eaten...
JESUS: "Wow, I'm stuffed! Nothing says Resurrection like a great meal, and there is no better reason to rise from the dead than digging into a Honey Baked ham. Be sure it's a genuine Honey Baked ham on your table this Easter or the Avenging Angel just might have to pay you a visit!"
camera moves over Jesus's head and zooms in on what's left of the Honey Baked ham, which begins to radiate light and a halo is seen forming over it as a voice over closes the commercial:
VOICE OVER ANNOUNCER: "Oh death, where is thy sting?"
Long shot of hillside... zoom in on a darker spot on the hillside, revealing a cave. An angel flies in from screen right...
ANGEL: "He's not here! He has risen to dine on Honey Baked Ham! Seek Him in front of the TV!"
Switch to a blue collar home... A Jesus like handsome Caucasian is seated in a comfortable looking recliner. Seen behind Him is a table laden with dirty dishes, left-overs and a succulent looking Honey Baked ham, half eaten...
JESUS: "Wow, I'm stuffed! Nothing says Resurrection like a great meal, and there is no better reason to rise from the dead than digging into a Honey Baked ham. Be sure it's a genuine Honey Baked ham on your table this Easter or the Avenging Angel just might have to pay you a visit!"
camera moves over Jesus's head and zooms in on what's left of the Honey Baked ham, which begins to radiate light and a halo is seen forming over it as a voice over closes the commercial:
VOICE OVER ANNOUNCER: "Oh death, where is thy sting?"
Sunday, April 02, 2006
STOP!
This blog is not for casual human consumption! The sole purpose of what is intended here is the overthrow of the domination of culture by popularity.
Luckily, you wouldn't be here if you were the popular type, right? But still, you probably have important ties with popular culture. Those ties will be strained here. But you'll have to sever them yourself; no sharp objects are permitted here, except wits.
Luckily, you wouldn't be here if you were the popular type, right? But still, you probably have important ties with popular culture. Those ties will be strained here. But you'll have to sever them yourself; no sharp objects are permitted here, except wits.
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